I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
