Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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