i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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