WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize