Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Never joke about your clitoris.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
