Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
