but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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