my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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