Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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