When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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