what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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