oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
