plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
