I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
