My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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