Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Two words: blizzard sex
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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