it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
