So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
