I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
