Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
