To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
