youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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