He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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