when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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