I just threw up on my dentist
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
