Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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