he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
