Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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