did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
