eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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