Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
