I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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