I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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