I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
