who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my shit smells like andre
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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