Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
