If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize