We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
