dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
