Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
