I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
