I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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