Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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