got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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