Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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