dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
