You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
