I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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