I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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