And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
