i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
