Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
