glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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