know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize