You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well you can't waste a boner
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
