Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
