You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
