I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
