she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I did not marry a roomba.
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