he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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