did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
