I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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