So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
