butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
