Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
