can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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