You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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